The Wicker Man

The Wicker Man’s a detective film fir fowk wha love nature. Maiste people in the 70s liked things tae be natural, and it wis easier tae dae these organic films then. It’s set in the Highlands o Scotland and a’body’s against this policeman coz he’s a virgin and savin himsel fir when he gits married. Anyhow it’s pretty hard fir him tae keep that up coz this Swedish lassie’s gein it aw they come-tae-bed eyes and waving her bits aboot, singing this mental sang whar she bangs on the wa’s and wakes a’body up. The end o The Wicker Man’s pretty brutal; the hail o the Highlands gang up on the policeman and put him in a cage made o twigs shaped like The Angel O The North wi chickens and lambs and that. Then they set it on fire. It’s a pure shame, but the locals dinnae like him coz o his religion, they cannie understand him coz he has faith in something yi cannie hud onto or do, like god, something yi like loads in yir heid, that’s no really there. Whereas they like leaves and trees, and stuff that’s real. What I never understood wis how nane o the twigs burnt a hole fir the policeman tae get oot. That wouldo been a much happier ending, then he couldo run awa and married his lass on the mainland and we couldo seen him dead happy finally bein able tae hae sex in the eyes o the lord.